Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Sounds of Love

Most of my friends know that I have been going through a serious romantic drought for quite a while now. Some of it stems from a self imposed relationship vacation but, if I’m honest about it, most of it comes from a lack of opportunity and effort on my part. While having a romance appeals to me in theory, I don’t mind my own company and I’m getting a lot of sleep.

I have been giving it more thought lately. What do I ultimately want? The flowers, dinners, concerts, vacations, walks, talks and the ever popular sex are great benefits but they don’t always translate into genuine love or even like. I decided that this time around I would go for the real thing – not romantic posturing but genuine love.

I can’t say if I will ever find that special someone. I don’t know exactly what genuine love will look like but I certainly know what it sounds like. I hear it every day from my friends and family. And, since I’m a compulsive list maker I started a list of the sounds of love I’m already hearing…

You make me smile.

I understand.

What do you need?

I trust you.

You can do this.

How can I help?

Be careful.

Call me when you get there.

You are the smartest person I know.

You deserve to be happy, too.

I forgive you.

I’m sorry.

I’m proud of you.

I’ll be there.

I couldn’t have done it without you.

I need you in my life.


I care about what happens to you.

Don’t go.

I’ll go with you.

You inspire me.

I don’t want to disappoint you.

I remember.



I may be on a romantic diet but I am certainly surrounded by genuine love every day. What was I so worried about?

Monday, May 18, 2009

What Tim Left for Me

The suffocating grief that followed Tim’s death is finally starting to lift. I still think of him several times a day. I miss him and my world and his family’s world will never be the same. But, I have started to think about how to honor him rather than mourn him.

I decided that I would take the best parts of Tim and display them to the world each day so that those who didn’t know him could still appreciate the man he was and those who did know him could catch a glimpse of him along the way.

Here are just some of the things I learned from my brother…..

  • Never miss an opportunity to enjoy a dog or child.

  • Confidence is attractive in any package. My beautiful brother was short and solid with a receding hairline and gray wiry hair that he pulled back into a pony tail.

  • Don’t avoid the camera. Pictures of Tim enjoying his life, his family and friends have been a tremendous comfort. I have one picture of Tim and me together that I now cherish. It is one of the few of us – just us – together as adults.

  • Never put housework and yard work ahead of spending time with family and friends.

  • Life turns on a dime. Never miss an opportunity to tell someone that they are important to you, that you like them, appreciate them or love them.

  • Some people may ridicule your quirky traits. They are the most memorable parts of your personality. Embrace and showcase them without apology.

  • Never stop creating …you have talents, skills, and passions to share.

  • Never stop recreating….play.

  • Celebrate…holidays, birthdays, achievements, perseverance, survival, haircuts, Tuesdays

  • Believe every wonderful thing that someone says about you. Cast off the bad stuff – those are products of someone’s agenda.

  • Forgive easily and quickly. You don’t have to condone the behavior – just allow others to struggle with their own demons.

  • Your occupation is what you do – not who you are.

  • Take care of yourself. You are taking care of someone who is precious to your loved ones. It is not selfish. It is an act of love.