Monday, May 18, 2009

What Tim Left for Me

The suffocating grief that followed Tim’s death is finally starting to lift. I still think of him several times a day. I miss him and my world and his family’s world will never be the same. But, I have started to think about how to honor him rather than mourn him.

I decided that I would take the best parts of Tim and display them to the world each day so that those who didn’t know him could still appreciate the man he was and those who did know him could catch a glimpse of him along the way.

Here are just some of the things I learned from my brother…..

  • Never miss an opportunity to enjoy a dog or child.

  • Confidence is attractive in any package. My beautiful brother was short and solid with a receding hairline and gray wiry hair that he pulled back into a pony tail.

  • Don’t avoid the camera. Pictures of Tim enjoying his life, his family and friends have been a tremendous comfort. I have one picture of Tim and me together that I now cherish. It is one of the few of us – just us – together as adults.

  • Never put housework and yard work ahead of spending time with family and friends.

  • Life turns on a dime. Never miss an opportunity to tell someone that they are important to you, that you like them, appreciate them or love them.

  • Some people may ridicule your quirky traits. They are the most memorable parts of your personality. Embrace and showcase them without apology.

  • Never stop creating …you have talents, skills, and passions to share.

  • Never stop recreating….play.

  • Celebrate…holidays, birthdays, achievements, perseverance, survival, haircuts, Tuesdays

  • Believe every wonderful thing that someone says about you. Cast off the bad stuff – those are products of someone’s agenda.

  • Forgive easily and quickly. You don’t have to condone the behavior – just allow others to struggle with their own demons.

  • Your occupation is what you do – not who you are.

  • Take care of yourself. You are taking care of someone who is precious to your loved ones. It is not selfish. It is an act of love.


rbeach said...

Penny your words are a wonderful tribute to Tim. He gave so much to so many and I also have learned that I need to start honoring his memory instead of staying in the state of mourning. He would not want anyone that he loved to stay in the state of sad and misery. I love the photo of you two together and would love a copy if possible.
Love you always Ricklyn

Christy said...

Thank you for sharing these pieces of Tim. It sounds like he got down to the heart of what's important here on earth, and he left many great lessons, and memories to carry you forward.

sandi said...

What a beautiful way to look at life and appriciate what you have in a relationship. It's not easy getting to this point in life, where the mourning starts to lift, but you have a wonderful way about yourself that keeps you grounded. Looks like Tim helped you to become a strong woman.